the big heat

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The Big Heat
Pick It Up (And Put It In Your Pocket)
Can't Stop The Show
Pile Driver
Walkin' Home Alone
Drive, She Said
Salesman
Twisted
Camouflage
Rio Greyhound
Stormy Side Of Town
Foggy River
End Of The Line
Nadine
Can't Stop The Show
Drive, She Said
Footnotes

The room was dark, it looked like someone had to get out fast
A window open by the fire escape
How long have you been following this guy, the bellboy asked
Not long enough, 'cause we got here too late
And everybody wants another piece of the pie today, he said
You gotta watch the ones who always keep their hands clean

Chorus:
It's the big heat, there's someone followin' you
It's the big heat, step aside, we're comin' through

Well, we followed him from Tuscon, ended up in Baton Rouge
We trailed him with information by
A woman he knew in Barstow that would like to see him dead
That was four weeks ago––well, maybe five
And everybody wants another piece of the pie today," she said
You gotta watch the ones who always keep their hands clean.

Chorus repeat x2

A block away he wondered if he'd left behind a clue
The front page of the paper dated 1992¹
He remembered when he used to be the chairman of the board
But that was when the world was young and long before the war
And everybody wants another piece of the pie today, he said
You gotta watch the ones who keep their hands clean

Chorus repeat x2

credits

Written by: Stanard Ridgway
Published by: © Copyright 1986 Mondo Spartacus / Illegal Songs (administered by BMI)
Produced by: Hugh Jones

performers

Mr. Christopher: violin, cello
John Dentino: keyboards
Hugh Jones: keyboards
Bill Noland: keyboards
Stanard Ridgway: vocals, harmonica, keyboards
Bruce Zelesnik: drums

A signal swings and the lights turn off
And a missing man begins to cough
And no one knows the lost ones from the found
And lady luck, well, she can't explain
To a hardened coin or a bill, the game
It seems everything changes hands when it hits the ground

They said it's dog eat dog, cat eat mouse
And mouse eat cheese and the cheese just smells
The warning systems ring but help won't come.
And all the calling cards and the walking sticks
and the hidden punches and the coward's kicks
Say we got a big mouthful now

Chorus:
Pick it up and put it in your pocket
or somebody else will
Pick it up and put it in your pocket
or somebody else just will
repeat as necessary

Now the world's a road and for miles around
On every inch of unclaimed ground, hide rewards for some but all the rest
Spin a creepy wheel or they trip the stair
While the new school boys just can't play fair
In a place that leaves its money in its mess

Chorus repeat

Now an old man with a paper bag
And a list so long on a dirty rag
Checks each item that he will throw or keep
But he'll never thank the coin that's bent
Or a greenback bill that a stranger sent
But he'll pick 'em just the same
And then he'll thank the street

He turns and says it's dog eat dog
And cat eat mouse
And mouse eat cheese
And the cheese just smells

Now I don't wanna seem to say
That the time ahead won't be okay
But the scale is loaded down
With the weight of sixteen tons
And the ones that have
Tell the ones that don't
To tell the ones that can't
About the ones who won't
And there's no place left here
'Round to run

Chorus repeat endlessly

credits

Written by: Stanard Ridgway
Published by: © Copyright 1986 Mondo Spartacus / Illegal Songs (administered by BMI)
Produced by: Mitchell Froom

performers

Hugo Burnham: percussion
Mitchell Froom: keyboards
Richard Greene: violin
Bill Noland: piano
Stanard Ridgway: vocals, banjo

There's a man in a booth with a quarter in there
And a girl out on the runway with peroxide in her hair
Move 'em in quick, they pay out
And then they just sit there and stare

Now drink that drink and smoke that smoke
Old Mister Johnson turns blue and starts to choke
Somebody slap him on the back

Now the curtains go up
And both lights go on
And Betsy's out there in her birthday suit
Spinnin' her baton

Chorus:
And they don't know what we know
Nobody knows what we know
(And) No matter what they try to do
They can't stop the show

Now, girls, I'm proud of every one of you
Cass, spit out your gum, it don't look good when you chew
And I've told you time and time before
You're a showgirl, not a whore
Jack, pick up the phone, is it those jerks again?
You'd think they'd know by now that these girls just dance and grin
Just good clean entertainment
We don't handle no tricky-business in here

The curtains go up
And both lights go on
And Betsy's in her birthday suit
Spinnin' her baton
But I think she did it better last year
Before her boyfriend broke her arm

Chorus:
And they don't know what we know
Nobody knows what we know
And No matter what they try to do
They can't stop the show repeat four more times

credits

Written by: Stanard Ridgway
Published by: © Copyright 1986 Mondo Spartacus / Illegal Songs (administered by BMI)
Produced by: Louis Van Den Berg, Stanard Ridgway

performers

Louis Van Den Berg: keyboards
Stanard Ridgway: vocals, guitar
Mike Terlizzi: bass
Mike Watt: bass

There is a big click clack machine
Whose engines don't pump gasoline
It's a poundin' crazy arm that works all day
It's run by all the people who
Have got some blueprint plan to do
So don't shake your head––no, just nod and say "okay"

And before I knew it, I got shoved in line
Marchin' south in single file, and countin' off in time

Chorus:
(So, And) Bring that pile driver over here and be quick
We've got to dig a hole right now, so we can put in this stick
We've got a hundred fourty-seven done, we only got a day
So bring that pile driver over here right away

Now here's a big wide open space
So wipe that smile right off your face
And replace it now with a look of stern regard
It's the early bird that gets the worm
So what happens when the worm will learn
It's the older ways for new we will discard

And someone sent us this big machine that guarantees
There'll be no argument at all when we're packin' one of these

Chorus repeat

But wait a minute
Did you hear it cough
This crazy arm
We can't turn off
It's rollin' round
And diggin' down a mile
Look out––this big machine
Has gone hog wild!

So look out, world, we're buildin' now
When the hammer hits, the thumb says "Ow!"
Somewhere you know there's progress made
One thing's for sure, we'll get our asphalt laid
This big machine has run amuck
And someone somewhere passed the buck
So keep an ear out for that whistle call
And duck when you see that wreckin' ball

And hey, Bob, don't light that match, we could explode
I'll move some dirt while you block off the road

Chorus repeat until fade

credits

Written by: Stanard Ridgway
Published by: © Copyright 1986 Mondo Spartacus / Illegal Songs (administered by BMI)
Produced by: Louis Van Den Berg, Stanard Ridgway

performers

Louis Van Den Berg: keyboards
Joe Ramirez: guitar, drum programming, additional vocals
Stanard Ridgway: vocals, keyboards
Pietra Wexstun: additional vocals

Now there's last sunday's paper
Crumpled up and rollin' down the street
Away
And there's a piece of gum
Just waitin' for a ride on someone's feet
Today

Chorus:
And tonight I'll be walkin' home alone

Now, there's a million things I said
And twice as many that I didn't say
Yay-ay
And I remember an afternoon
A broken coffee cup, and some Broadway tune
And I shook her hand
And I said okay

And now as I stroll by some skinny dog
Left outside without a bone
Tonight, I'll be walkin' home alone

Chorus repeat

And ain't it funny how one afternoon
Can make two people stop and say
That all the time they spent together
Didn't really mean that much anyway... no, not much.
Just a sinkful of dirty dishes
And a picture in a drawer
And a hairbrush on the table
And a hole punched in a door
And if she were here right now
I'd tell her things I never told her before

So now I hear a clock and I get up fast
Draw the curtain on a brand new day
I can't wait to get this cast off
The telephone's dead––I guess they turned it off today
Turn the key on the mailbox slot
Lookin' for a letter, but bills is all I've got
And even the cat she left me with
Is goin' out with someone else

So put another quarter in the jukebox, Pete
But don't play that one with the sad trombone
'Cause tonight, I'll be walkin' home alone
And tonight, I'll be walkin' home alone
All alone
Walkin' home
All alone.

credits

Written by: Stanard Ridgway
Published by: © Copyright 1986 Mondo Spartacus / Illegal Songs (administered by BMI)
Produced by: Louis Van Den Berg, Stanard Ridgway

performers

Joseph Berardi: drums
Bruce Fowler: trombone
Stanard Ridgway: vocals, keyboards
Louis Van Den Berg: keyboards

Sittin' right behind me
I could smell her perfume
It was somethin' I'd smelled before
Went through a red light
While I spilled my drink
I could feel somethin' sticky on the floor

I said "Miss, you've gotta tell me
Where you wanna go to
I can't keep drivin' round the same block"
So I crumpled my cup
And pulled the gum off my shoe
And then she told me "Just shut up
And keep your eyes on the road"

Chorus:
"And just drive," she said
"Just drive," she said
"Just drive," she said

Well, I watched her put her hands
On the bag in her lap
While I scratched the bald spot on my head
I knew then that my cab was just
A getaway car
But I shut up and drove, like she said

I took a bite of my doughnut
And I offered her one
And I said "Lady, are you in a fix?"
Then she reached in her purse
And she pulled out a gun, and said
"Now just shut up, and keep your hands on the wheel"

Chorus repeat (Okay, okay!)

spoken
Then the moon disappeared, and it started to rain,
So I put the wipers on full.
And on the bag in her lap I saw the name of a big bank downtown.
And I said, "You don't have to worry about me, nope!"
When I turned the headlights on––just for a minute––
I thought I saw the both of us on some kinda tropical island someplace.
Walkin' down a white sandy beach.
Eatin' somethin'...

Chorus repeat

We pulled outta traffic
Down a dark side street
She was fixin' her hair in the mirror
I made a left turn
At a yellow light
Drove my cab fast towards the pier

She boarded the boat
And turned and blew me a kiss
And later on, when the squad car came 'round
I ate a handful of peanuts
And I told 'em this
"I don't rememeber much, except 'Just keep your hands on the wheel'"

Chorus repeat until fade

spoken:
Hey, hey, uh––
Hey, y'all, get outta my way!––all ya sunday drivers!
Hey, you want one of these, ah, Slim Jims? They're good!
What?––what? You don't––you don't want one?
Well they're 100% meat!

Haven't I seen you somewhere before?
I know, I know, Anchorage, that's where I seen ya, Anchorage.
Well, where you goin'?
I'm sorry, I don't go in that part of town anymore.
I don't need my windows washed.

credits

Written by: Stanard Ridgway
Published by: © Copyright 1986 Mondo Spartacus / Illegal Songs (administered by BMI)
Produced by: Hugh Jones

performers

K. K. Barett: drums
Tom Rechoin: percussion
Stanard Ridgway: vocals, harmonica, keyboards
Bill Noland: keyboards

Now, I've been travelin' long and hard
And all over this big land
And I've got somethin' here in my bag
For every woman and man
And nowhere is too far
'Cause I cover a pretty wide base
From way down south to way up north
I'll shake hands with any friendly face

Chorus:
Salesman, salesman
Why don't you sell me somethin'
Salesman, salesman
Why don't you sell me somethin'

Now I've got a box in my hand
And I'm gonna travel that land
I'm a salesman for hire
And I never get tired
So just plug it in and it'll work
Don't worry about it breakin'
It's factory made and guaranteed
And we're not fakin'

Chorus repeat

Now, I keep bangin' on my case
And smilin' broad and make the deal
But sometimes my feet begin to shake
Like I'm slippin' on a banana peel
Stan slips about

And I've been everywhere around this world
I fly on the edge of the ball
I keep the numbers all up here
I just read the map and steer, that's all

Chorus repeat

Now I'll never give up this way of life
This life has called me to
I've gotta get to New Orleans by noon
If I can only find my shoe
'Cause I'm a salesman! Pleased to meetcha!

And I've seen the dirt and dust
Of a hundred towns like this
I just work my way on through
Sometimes it's just hit and miss
And I got a little something here in my bag
To help me burn the leaves
But I gotta watch it close this time
I know, because nothin' comes for free
No, nothin' comes for free

I know a little girl in Idaho
I guess I'll look her up now in a week or so
She was always good for a drink and a laugh
And what the traffic would allow

Chorus repeat

Everybody wants a real deal, everybody wants a real deal
Everybody wants a real deal, everybody wants a real deal

notes

When Stan performs this live, he sometimes adds an extra final verse: "I'm sick and tired / Of this rotten job / And I'm sick and tired / Of all these barbecues and eatin' corn on the cob"

credits

Written by: Stanard Ridgway
Published by: © Copyright 1986 Mondo Spartacus / Illegal Songs (administered by BMI)
Produced by: Mitchell Froom

performers

Louis Cabasa: bass
Richard Gibbs: emulator
Bill Noland: keyboards
Steve Reid: percussion
Stanard Ridgway: vocals, guitar, keyboards
Eric Williams: feedback guitar

Chorus:
You're twisted, that's what you are
Just like a bee buzzin' in a jar
Frayed and ragged, spent and strained
Watchin' that water spin down the drain

You think that no one sees ya hidin' your dirt
And no one sees the spots and stains on your shirt
There's a big empty room there behind your eyes
When you look in the closet, you'll find a surprise

What do you do in the middle of the night
When no one sees you there?
Does your head start to shrink? Do your eyes bug out?
Do you wonder what's cheatin' and what's playin' fair?

I bet you've got an awful itch
A scratch that you can't touch
You're rollin' and weavin' all over the floor
You're scrappin' and scrapin' your nails at the door

Chorus repeat x2

Now what do you do in the middle of the night
When no one sees you there?
Does your head start to shrink? Do your eyes bug out?
Do you wonder what's cheatin' and what's playin' fair?

I bet you send out for all your food
I bet you think this that phone call is rude
Your body's all bent and hairy and warped outta shape
So take this number and call it, 'cause the zoo needs an ape

Chorus repeat x2, then repeat the first line x4

credits

Written by: Stanard Ridgway
Published by: © Copyright 1986 Mondo Spartacus / Illegal Songs (administered by BMI)
Produced by: Louis Van Den Berg, Stanard Ridgway

performers

Stanard Ridgway: vocals, bass, keyboards
Louis Van Den Berg: keyboards

I was a P.F.C. on a search patrol, huntin' Charlie down
It was in the jungle wars of '65
My weapon jammed and I got stuck way out and all alone
And I could hear the enemy movin' in close outside
Just then I heard a twig snap and I grabbed my empty gun
And I dug in scared while I counted down my fate
And then a big Marine––a giant, with a pair of friendly eyes––
Appeared there at my shoulder and said "Wait."

When he came in close beside me, he said "Don't worry, son, I'm here––
If Charlie wants to tangle now, he'll have two to dodge"
I said, "Well, thanks a lot!" I told him my name and asked him his
And he said "The boys just call me Camouflage"

Chorus:
Woah-oh-oh-oh, Camouflage
Things are never quite the way they seem
Woah-oh-oh-oh, Camouflage
I was awfully glad to see this big Marine

Well, I was gonna ask him where he came from, when we heard the bullets fly
Comin' through the brush, and all around our ears
It was then I saw this big Marine light a fire in his eye
And it was strange, but suddenly, I forgot my fears

Well, we fought all night, side by side, we took our battle stance
And I wondered how the bullets missed this man
'Cause they seemed to go right through him––just as if he wasn't there
And in the mornin' we both took a chance and ran
And it was near the riverbank when the ambush came on top of us
And I thought it was the end, and we were had
Then a bullet with my name on it came buzzin' through a bush
And that big Marine, he just swat it with his hand
Just like it was a fly...

Chorus:
Woah-oh-oh-oh, Camouflage
Things are never quite the way they seem
Woah-oh-oh-oh, Camouflage
This was an awfully strange (big) Marine

{spoken}
And I knew there was somethin' weird about him,
'Cause when I turned around,
He was pullin' a big palm tree up outta the ground
And swattin' those Charlies with it from here to kingdom come

When he led me outta danger I saw my camp and waved goodbye
He just winked at me from the jungle and then was gone
When I got back to my H.Q., I told 'em about my night
And the battle I'd spent with a big Marine named Camouflage
When I said his name, the soldier gulped, and a medic took my arm
And led me to a green tent on the right
He said "You may be tellin' true, boy, but this here is Camouflage
And he's been right here since he passed away last night
In fact, he's been here all week long...
But before he went, he said Semper Fi, and said his only wish
Was to save a young Marine caught in a barrage
So here, take his dog tag, son, I know he'd want you to have it now"
And we both said a prayer for a big Marine named Camouflage

Chorus repeat

So next time you're in a jungle fight, and you feel a presence near
Or hear a voice that in your mind will lodge
Just be thankful that you're not alone––you've got some company
From a big Marine the boys call Camouflage

Chorus repeat x2

Hup, hey-ho, hey, left... left...
Woah, woah, Camouflage
Hey, hey-ho, ho, left... left...
Woah, woah, Camouflage
repeat endlessly until fade...

credits

Written by: Stanard Ridgway
Published by: © Copyright 1986 Mondo Spartacus / Illegal Songs (administered by BMI)
Produced by: Louis Van Den Berg, Stanard Ridgway

performers

Chris Becerra: drums
Mark Cohen: banjo, mandolin
Mark Lewis: ghost platoon
Mark Morris: ghost platoon
Stanard Ridgway: vocals, guitars, keyboards
Louis Van Den Berg: keyboards

(instrumental)

notes

There are two different mixes of this song; the original album mix was 1:59, but on the 1993 re-release of The Big Heat it was replaced with the originally intended 3:12 mix. I say "originally intended" because the sleeve art was printed with the wrong track length... apparently they had to switch it at the last minute, after the sleeves were printed, or maybe it was simply a mistake.

credits

Written by: Stanard Ridgway
Published by: © Copyright 1986 Mondo Spartacus / Illegal Songs (administered by BMI)
Produced by: Louis Van Den Berg, Stanard Ridgway

performers

Stanard Ridgway: guitar, bass, keyboards
Louis Van Den Berg: keyboards

The tires roll the gutters and you can hear the beer cans crunch
Two ladies sit together on a park bench, feed the pigeons, and eat lunch
And the window's always broken and the corner has a street light that's burnt out
And everyone walks away when the cops drive by, roll down their windows, and shout
So if you're wonderin' where the trouble starts when you hear the sirens sound
It's where the trouble always ends––on the stormy side of town
Where it keeps rainin' all the time

Now there's a young girl leanin' on the fender of a long black car
And a man built like a buddha––used to box, and now he works at paintin' tar
And the kids play in the streets, while their parents stick their fingers in the fans
And the trash is piled up high by the bus stop where the riders wait and stand
And everyone has said the big show-off doesn't seem to be around
And no one asks for names or business cards on the stormy side of town
Where it keeps rainin' all the time

Chorus:
On the stormy side of town
It's rainin' all the time
On the stormy side of town
It's rainin' all the time
On the stormy side of town
It's rainin' all the time
On the stormy side of town

And all the empty eyes that don't look up
Still say it every time––
"You've got your job, and I've got mine"

Shadows from the buildings creep along the parking cars
While the women spank their babies and the old men just drink all day in bars
And the people that "never see it" always end up as the ones who've seen it all
And the liquor store is crowded, while an empty phone booth rings another call
And the hills that used to all seem green now look an ugly brown
And no one ever found any movie stars on the stormy side of town
Where it keeps rainin' all the time

Chorus repeat

So bring a bottle and a paper bag
And expect to pass it all around
And last one out's a rotten egg
On the stormy side of town

notes

The lyrics to this song have not been published; they were transcribed by Larry Hastings.

credits

Written by: Stanard Ridgway
Written by: Stanard Ridgway
Published by: © Copyright 1986 Mondo Spartacus / Illegal Songs (administered by BMI)
Produced by: Stanard Ridgway, Louis Van Den Berg

performers

Stanard Ridgway: vocals, twelve-string guitar
Mitchell Froom: keyboards

Your love is colder than a foggy river
Flowin' o'er a heart of stone
You left me stranded on this foggy river
Driftin' helpless and alone
I can't escape this broken heart of mine
There's no freedom anymore
Heaven help me on this foggy river
Help me find a distant shore

There's no tomorrow on this foggy river
Only memories linger on
A mist of sorrow chills this foggy river
Everything I love is gone
Oh, I always knew that someday you'd let me down
I've got troubles, troubles, on my mind
I guess I knew to sail this foggy river
'Til I leave your love behind

spoken:
Yes, this love is colder than a foggy river
It's flowin' over a heart of stone
You left me here stranded on this foggy river
I'm just driftin' helpless and alone

Well, I always knew that someday you'd let me down
I've got, I've got troubles on my mind
I guess I, I guess I knew to sail this foggy river
'Til I leave your love behind
Until I leave it all behind
Until I leave it behind
Until I leave it be––all behind, yeah,
I'm gonna mow you down
I'm gonna call your name, yes I do
I'm gonna call your name when I do
I'm gonna mow you down
Yes, I'm gonna mow you down
I'm gonna call your name
I'm gonna call your name
Yes I do
When I do
Yeah.

credits

Produced by: Stanard Ridgway, Louis Van Den Berg
Written by: Fred Rose
Published by: © Copyright Milene Music, Incorporated (administered by ASCAP)

performers

Stanard Ridgway: all instruments

Commissioned for the French film Terminus.

You are my only confidant
And my only friend
Together we will share everything
Until the very end

Chorus:
There's no one here who shares my views
Or sees the way I can see
But there's just one thing that you'll understand
You'll have to even up with me
At the end of the line (x2)

I've bet it all before
But not everything I own
There are some things that you can't buy or steal
Or learn to leave alone

Chorus repeat last line x4

I toss the dice and skin the cat
And I always pay the fine
So we'll settle up even-steven
When we reach the end of the line

Hey, I hear you calling me back home
To fly or fall to the news of it all
There's no dark destiny
Fate will receive what our love will believe
'Til we reach the end of the line

Chorus repeat last line x10

notes

The lyrics to this song have not been published; they were transcribed by Larry Hastings.

stan says

I was playing two nights with my band in Paris on my first solo tour at a great jazz club called The New Morning, when I was approached by a group of cool French film makers to write a song for their new movie, which turned out to be a truly weird sci-fi picture called "End Of The Line". Starring Johnny Holiday, the "French Elvis..." I liked the title right away and said yes. They sent me some footage after I got back to LA and I got pretty into it. After I was done, the film's title got changed somewhere along the way to "Terminus". Some of you might have heard this before, but it's nice to have it here remastered for all its glory.

credits

Written by: Stanard Ridgway
Produced by: Stanard Ridgway
Written by: Stanard Ridgway
Published by: © Copyright 1993 Mondo Spartacus / Illegal Songs (administered by BMI)

performers

Stanard Ridgway: vocals, keyboards, guitar, harmonica
Cliff Martinez: drums
Mark Terlizzi: bass

As I got on a city bus and found a vacant seat
I thought I saw my future bride walking up the street
I shouted to the driver, "Hey, conductor, you must
Slow down, I think I see her, please, let me off the bus"

Nadine
Oh, honey, is that you
Woah, Nadine
Oh, honey, is that you
Seems every time I see you, baby, you've got somethin' else to do

Woah, I saw from the corner when she turned and doubled back
And started walkin' toward a coffee-colored Cadillac
Pushin' through the crowd, tryin' to get to where she's at
I was campaign-shouting like a Southern diplomat

Chorus repeat

You're off with someone, someone new!

Downtown, searchin' for her, lookin' all around
Saw her getting in a yellow cab heading uptown
I caught a loaded taxi, picked up everybody's tab
Tipped a twenty dollar bill, I said "you catch that yellow cab"

Chorus repeat last line repeat x4

Nadine
Nadine
Nadine
Make a scene
Nadine
Keep it clean
Nadine
Eat a bean, Nadine

credits

Written by: Chuck Berry
Published by: © Copyright Arc Music (BMI)
Produced by: Stanard Ridgway

performers

Stanard Ridgway: vocals
Joeseph Berardi: drums
David Sutton: bass
Bernard Sauser-Hall: keyboards
Pietra Wexstun: keyboards
Jim Pollack: saxophone

There's a man in a booth with a quarter in there
And a girl out on the runway with peroxide in her hair
Move 'em in quick, they pay out
And then they just sit there and stare

Now drink that drink and smoke that smoke
Old Mister Johnson turns blue and starts to choke
Somebody slap him on the back

Now the curtains go up
And both lights go on
And Betsy's out there in her birthday suit
Spinnin' her baton

Chorus:
And they don't know what we know
Nobody knows what we know
(And) No matter what they try to do
They can't stop the show

Now, girls, I'm proud of every one of you
Cass, spit out your gum, it don't look good when you chew
And I've told you time and time before
You're a showgirl, not a whore
Jack, pick up the phone, is it those jerks again?
You'd think they'd know by now that these girls just dance and grin
Just good clean entertainment
We don't handle no tricky-business in here

The curtains go up
And both lights go on
And Betsy's in her birthday suit
Spinnin' her baton
But I think she did it better last year
Before her boyfriend broke her arm

Chorus:
And they don't know what we know
Nobody knows what we know
And No matter what they try to do
They can't stop the show repeat four more times

credits

Written by: Stanard Ridgway
Published by: © Copyright 1986 Mondo Spartacus / Illegal Songs (administered by BMI)
Produced by: Louis Van Den Berg, Stanard Ridgway

performers

Louis Van Den Berg: keyboards
Stanard Ridgway: vocals, guitar
Mike Terlizzi: bass
Mike Watt: bass

Sittin' right behind me
I could smell her perfume
It was somethin' I'd smelled before
Went through a red light
While I spilled my drink
I could feel somethin' sticky on the floor

I said "Miss, you've gotta tell me
Where you wanna go to
I can't keep drivin' round the same block"
So I crumpled my cup
And pulled the gum off my shoe
And then she told me "Just shut up
And keep your eyes on the road"

Chorus:
"And just drive," she said
"Just drive," she said
"Just drive," she said

Well, I watched her put her hands
On the bag in her lap
While I scratched the bald spot on my head
I knew then that my cab was just
A getaway car
But I shut up and drove, like she said

I took a bite of my doughnut
And I offered her one
And I said "Lady, are you in a fix?"
Then she reached in her purse
And she pulled out a gun, and said
"Now just shut up, and keep your hands on the wheel"

Chorus repeat (Okay, okay!)

spoken
Then the moon disappeared, and it started to rain,
So I put the wipers on full.
And on the bag in her lap I saw the name of a big bank downtown.
And I said, "You don't have to worry about me, nope!"
When I turned the headlights on––just for a minute––
I thought I saw the both of us on some kinda tropical island someplace.
Walkin' down a white sandy beach.
Eatin' somethin'...

Chorus repeat

We pulled outta traffic
Down a dark side street
She was fixin' her hair in the mirror
I made a left turn
At a yellow light
Drove my cab fast towards the pier

She boarded the boat
And turned and blew me a kiss
And later on, when the squad car came 'round
I ate a handful of peanuts
And I told 'em this
"I don't rememeber much, except 'Just keep your hands on the wheel'"

Chorus repeat until fade

spoken:
Hey, hey, uh––
Hey, y'all, get outta my way!––all ya sunday drivers!
Hey, you want one of these, ah, Slim Jims? They're good!
What?––what? You don't––you don't want one?
Well they're 100% meat!

Haven't I seen you somewhere before?
I know, I know, Anchorage, that's where I seen ya, Anchorage.
Well, where you goin'?
I'm sorry, I don't go in that part of town anymore.
I don't need my windows washed.

credits

Written by: Stanard Ridgway
Published by: © Copyright 1986 Mondo Spartacus / Illegal Songs (administered by BMI)
Produced by: Hugh Jones

performers

K. K. Barett: drums
Tom Rechoin: percussion
Stanard Ridgway: vocals, harmonica, keyboards
Bill Noland: keyboards

1. Remember that this song was published in 1987––meaning that a paper published in 1992 would be some cool futuristic science-fictiony kind of idea. When Stan performed this song live in 1991, he changed the date to 2032 or some such. He's since changed it back to 1992, which I guess moves it from the realm of cool futuristic science-fiction to cool alternate history science-fiction.